Changing Behaviors
Do you remember the movie Ella Enchanted?
In the story, Ella’s misguided fairy godmother “blesses” her to always be obedient, to never be able to say “no” to anything.
She is compelled to do what everyone asks of her, regardless of how absurd or humiliating the circumstances.
Does this sound like someone you know?
In the trauma awareness realm, it would be called “fawning” – you become the people pleaser, the nice person, the social perfectionist, deferring to others to fit in or be accepted.
It is an unhappy and often denied truth that when you grow up with trauma, your survival brain figures out how to stay “safe” in some very unhealthy ways.
Habits learned in (troubled) childhood to stay “safe” –
• Being overly helpful.
• Being nice, happy, perfect, the “good” child.
• Rarely sharing your true feelings.
• Rarely asking for help or support, while silently collapsing inside.
• Being strong and independent.
• Staying out of the way, making yourself small and unobtrusive.
• Thinking that you can never stop because love, acceptance, even survival depends on these behaviors.
I call it the “Ella Enchanted Syndrome.” The ability to maintain boundaries and self-advocacy is completely lacking. You can never say “no.”
But…to the child, love is survival. Whatever we believe keeps the love and acceptance coming, that’s what we do.
So be kind with yourself when you keep repeating patterns that you know don’t necessarily serve you anymore. It’s deeply written in your survival brain and psyche.
The need for love and safety is a compelling motivator and beating yourself up is not helpful.
Love all of it, be patient, stay mindful. You can start taking yourself back, but that’s a threatening choice to some childish parts of you. It takes time and self-compassion.
Start with “I matter too.”
Start with “It is safe to say no.”
Start with “It is okay to ask for what I need.”
And give yourself a place on the list.
Do these compulsive habits seem impossible to change?
Do you need help breaking the cycle of your “Ella Enchanted Syndrome”?
Our Healing Obsession remedy is a combination of flower essences and shamanic healing energy that was developed to support breaking free from obsessive behaviors. It includes the healing powers of nature in Ayahuasca, California Butterweed, Clematis, White Chestnut, Pine, and Walnut essences. *
❖ How It Works:
The shamanic energy of Ayahuasca essence creates a “communication bridge” from the brain to the body and psyche, helping you make connections about yourself. It is an amplifier of the effects of the flower essences in this remedy.
California Butterweed may assist with organic brain disturbances, clearing the negative effects of physical injury, drug abuse, or self-destructive behaviors. This essence may restimulate parts of the brain to heal itself and is a specific for head injuries. *
Clematis addresses the lack of physical presence and grounding, bringing with it a conscious embodiment and interest in the world in the here and now. *
White Chestnut addresses worrisome, repetitive, and racing thoughts and a restless agitated mental state. It may assist with developing a tranquil disposition and calm mental processes. *
Pine addresses an obsession with past events, guilt, self-blame, and self-criticism. It may assist with self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, and the freedom to move forward despite past mistakes. *
Walnut may help disrupt the influence of past habits, assisting with life transitions, freedom from limiting behaviors, and provide the inner strength to make a break with the past. This remedy may assist with change and transformation. *
Does any of this feel familiar? The way to choose a remedy is to read about its properties and see if it resonates with what you are dealing with now. Muscle testing to confirm your choice is also a good idea. You can learn more about how to choose remedies on our website.
If the Healing Obsessions Remedy resonates your current challenges, you can purchase it here: https://bluemorphomarket.com/product/healing-addiction/
Blessings on your healing path,
Anne
Learn how to choose and use our remedies HERE.
References:
Flower Essence Repertory: A Comprehensive Guide to the Flower Essences researched by Dr. Edward Bach and by the Flower Essence Society; by Patricia Kaminski and Richard Katz
Flower Essences for Transformation and Healing; by Quapiti Robintree
* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
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